Monday, May 21, 2007

How can I be really dedicated to God?

May. 21, 2007

I've been feeling a bit like I'm not very strong in my Christian walk, lately. I don't know, I guess it's just a feeling as if I just am not doing enough for God. I mean, I read my Bible, pray, go to Church, 'be good', etc., but I felt a bit like I was missing a bit of the spark of life that we as Christians are meant to have. I want that!


One of the things I really fight with is not have a place to commune with God. I mean, a freshly cut lawn and a picture-perfect house accross the street, along with asphalt and street lights just don't create a very reverent environment. Last summer when we were away and rented a little cottage in the middle of nowhere, I had a really amazing 'chat' with God. I was actually crying! Somehow being out in nature, especially if it's twilight, seeing the silouets of trees, and maybe the moon glistening on a lake, and the stars twinkling silently, each with their own little song, just helps me to listen to God. It's different when you are sitting on your bed. What did God tell me that evening? He told me I needed to be a foot-washer. He told me I needed to be humble, and through little acts of servanthood, that I was a leader. Boy, I struggle with that!


For a while, I was fairly diligent in my foot-washing (not literally!!!), but after a while I kind of forgot. It's easy to forget to be humble. To be honest, sometimes I'm a little arrogant pig. I want it my way now, I want everybody else to like it or if not to deal with it, and let me do my thing. I want to be in control, I want to know what's going on, I want to be in charge! God, however, says: "Be a servant, and I will make you a leader in my own way." That thought--though I hadn't put it into words--has, I think, been scraping away at the little wall of self-satisfaction that I had built around my heart since I 'forgot'. Sadly, it's not all gone yet, but with prayer and hard work, and hopefully a bit of self-sacrifice, I will make it come down!


I mentioned this to a friend when I told her, that all this sound so spiritual, and how could I make a blog post to the entire world, about my wanting to be humble? It sounds a little ironic, but I just want all you to know what I struggle with, so you know that I feel like this too, even for all my articles on Godly relationships and all that. To be honest, I have felt rather 'spiritually dead' lately. So, when I read my Bible, I'm trying to think it through a bit more than I was, and I am trying to live out Greg Long's son: 'Fifteen'. Here are the words:


I was sitting at the table
As the waitress took our order
In her eyes I knew that something wasn't right
And before I saw it coming
I was caught up in her story
Of the storms that she had weathered in her life
My friend said can we pray for you
She said I think I'd like you to
She walked away, we bowed our heads
But then he turned to me and said

If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause, I may be the third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

Just a chapter in a story
With the ending still unwritten
Do they find the truth of Jesus after all
As I listen for the whispers
And I follow where they lead me
I pray that I'll be faithful to the call
I know that God can work through me
I may not understand it now
But I believe somehow

If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause I may be the third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

God I don't want to miss the chances
When you open the door
What may seem so insignificant
You see so much more

If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause I may be the third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

Can I make a difference? I think so! If I can just live my every day walk with Christ, just being a Christian, maybe I can change people's lives. Maybe just being a servant for someone else will help me become the leader of their lives: Leading them to Christ's eternal kingdom.


Now, I think there are some feet to be washed! Let me be off! Pray for me, and I will pray for you as your names become known!

Love in Christ,
Sheila

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