Sunday, April 6, 2008

Life is a lot bigger than I thought it was!

Hello friends,

Well, I went to a tiny island recently, and I had a fabulous time. You know, things are a lot bigger, and a lot different than I thought they were, in fact I am a lot different than I thought I was.

I can tell I don't belong over here. They can tell I don't belong over here. Every time I said "I know, and nobody does such-and-such" or "Everybody does so-and-so", in complete misery that is that way, she'd say " Not over here. Over here, it isn't like that."

There is freedom: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, freedom of love--true love, freedom of minds. I landed at the island, and without a word to a single soul, I felt my chains were broken. It is a consciousness that invades your soul. It is like God can move freely over there, like over here, people put up walls around their souls, and keep everything supernatural out.

When I leave, tears fall. When the boat pulls away, I wave goodbye to a piece of myself, and until I return, I do not feel complete. I feel, once I land on this side, that chains have been laid across my body, holding me back, keeping every ounce of freedom away from me. And so I try to be who I am, with that one piece missing, the best I can. I will smile and laugh and hide behind all that I want to be, in hopes that people will notice that I am not of this land.

So I take off my shoes, and I walk through the grass to the street, where I let my feet have their freedom over the hard, paved road. I cannot reach what I need to reach. I cannot remove that bond, but every bit of me that shows past the fetters, I will give freedom. Now I am realizing that I must let my true, question-asking self, ask questions. I must let it seek answers. I must find those answers. I need to do this myself.

I really don't care, what everyone else does or thinks, but this is who God made in me. This is what He has ordained me to be. I am not putting up a facade anymore. I will let me be myself. God is taking me on a journey. He is working in my life. It is hard, it is confusing, and I have a lot more questions to ask, but I am going to continue on this road, and when the tears come, I will let them. I will let them be free. I will let myself explore.

Do discover if you are different from society. You may be a lot farther from mainstream than you thought. We're all unique, and I aim to find out what it is that makes me that way. I am going to ask questions until all of them are answered, and I don't want words. I don't want words for answers, I want real life.

Go in God,


Maria said...

Little islands must be such a blessing! I know the feeling though. You know I'm praying for you!


Mariah said...

The island sounds so beautiful! I hope you get to go there again soon! I'll be praying for you! Unfortunately there are very few islands around Missouri. ;)

Cowgirl_E said...

You make sense!


Sheila said...

Maria: Yes, little islands are particularly special.

Maya: Yeah, I guess they don't make oceans around MO, do they? :P Hugs!

Erica: Thank you! I was a little afraid I was losing my mind there, yesterday! Love you. :)