Sunday, April 20, 2008

When we wait...

My Moon River...

Sometimes I get these big days, these big weekends, these big feelings, that leave me absolutely and utterly...happy. I wouldn't want it any other way.

I had honours concert last night, and choir concert today, as well as an after-party for the choir members, which was amazing. I realize I am living outside the box, and making friends with a lot of people. A year or two ago, I had next to zero social life. It was really hard, and I cried a lot. I really relied on the words from Greg Long's song, 'In The Waiting'. I wept over this song many, many times. I've highlighted the verse that always hit the closest to home.
The gift nobody longs for, still it comes
And somehow leaves us stronger
When it's gone away

I try and pray for Your will to be done
But I confess it's never fast enough for me

It seems the hardest part is waiting on You When what I really want Is just to see Your hand move
I want a peace beyond my understanding
I want to feel it fall like rain
In the middle of my hurting
I want to feel Your arms as they surround me
And let me know that it's okay
To be here in this place
Resting in the peace that only comes
In the waiting

Time to let it go and just believe
Trusting in what no one else but You can see

Freedom from the fears that close me in
When I can't get beyond where I have been, but then

The silence doesn't mean that I'm alone
As long as I can hear
That I am still Your own

It was very painful indeed. I was waiting for more acceptance, for more love. My parents loved me dearly, and I had to just cling to them. It was hard to wait for more.

In 2006, I met Mariah online, and we grew very close. It was absolutely incredible to have a friend that accepted me for who I am, and I want to thank you so much, Maya. You mean so much to me! I love you. In the summer of 2007, Mariah came to BC to visit me, and we spent an amazing 3 weeks together. What a blessing! When September rolled around, I joined the cafe on the Rebelution, and we started small groups to read Wayne Grudem's Systematic Theology book together. I met Camille, Erica, Emma, Tiffany, and Lisa. These 5 girls have come to mean so very much to me that it hurts! Thank you for loving me, girls. I am hoping to meet a few of them in the not-too-distant future.

During the past year or so, I have grown very close to Jen, and that bond has strengthened me incredibly. Having mentors in your life is and amazing blessing. I have also become somewhat of a daughter to Susan, my piano teacher. She is amazing. Then I met Rosemary in January, and not only have I learned an incredible amount of singing knowledge, but I have felt an amazing connection. She understands me so well, it's relieving. Talk about kindred spirits.

Yesterday was honours concert, and Jen was there, supportive, and kind, and such a fabulous person to have behind you. I played, I got a rose, I was encouraged, and I felt really loved and cared for. Everyone around me was supporting me and looking out for me. Having Jen's passion and joy there just made me feel like flying. What an amazing feeling! Thank you for being there for me, Jen.

This afternoon, I had, as I mentioned, the after-party for our choir concert. It is mostly older people (65-70+ with a few that are a bit younger) and they take quite a liking to the only youngster in the group--me! I chat with them, we exchange life stories, they ask me about my music, we chat about choir, they give me lots of hugs and let me sing with them as we sang along to one guy who could play piano, even though I didn't know most of the 'oldies' they sang. A few times there was a moment where I wasn't in an active conversation, and I just stood there and looked out the window at the amazing view, staring out at the beauty of God's creation, soaking up the life. As they sang "Moon River' and came to the line that says "There's such a lot of world to see..." one lady motioned to me, and said "Especially for you!" At that moment, I just felt like this wave of peace had washed over me. Rosemary (she directs the choir too) came repeatedly to me and put her arm around me and included me in things, and other people would see me staring out the window at the gorgeous vista and pull me over to laugh and chat with them. They even sang happy birthday for me! So many good times. So many friends. So much love.

Of course, I can't write this post without acknowledging the incredible love my parents have poured out on me over the years. I have not the words to express my gratitude for their gentle guidance.

I'm not telling you all this to brag. I just feel like God has poured out His blessings on me incredibly richly this last year in regards to my social life and the people who I've come into contact with, and I wanted to share with you all, this living example that when you wait on God, He provides, and in the strangest of ways! I was expecting some girl--my age--to move in across the street or something, but no, God gives me 6 international friends and a bunch of adults who love me. He is a good God. He is a lot bigger than we give Him credit for.

It is a glorious feeling to be loved. A truly, stupendously glorious feeling.

May you be fulfilled many times over as you wait on God. As Greg Long's song says; pain truly does somehow leave you stronger when it's gone away, for as surely as my bout with loneliness was incredibly painful, the peace and joy that come now, are absolutely ever-strengthening, and I am growing in it. Thank you God, for being there for me as I waited, and for being there for me next time I have to wait.

Now I'll leave you with this sweet little melody to think about:

Moon River, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style some day. Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going I'm going your way. Two drifters off to see the world. There's such a lot of world to see. We're after the same rainbow's end-- waiting 'round the bend, my huckleberry friend, Moon River and me.

Take care,


NoJo said...

That is so wonderful! It's not always easy when God's timing isn't our timing, but when we wait it is always better than we could have imagined.

Mariah said...

That was beautiful! I'm so glad you had such a great time at the concerts! It looks like you are surrounded by friends!:D
Love you!

Maria said...

Sheila, it is so encouraging to read your posts! Like you, I have waited for friendship. And the waiting has made me stronger and more relient on God- and only after he was my best friend did he bless me with friends. Now, even as I see more friendships with more of my peers, I am waiting for a mentor or a kindred spirit friend. I know that the Lord will provide in his time. Hugs for you! You're in my prayers. :)

~Bryant said...

My sister went through the same thing, with no similar young ladies her age. But God really used that time, and we grew close as sisters! It was special, and I know that she looks back on that time, and wouldn't have wanted it any other way! God's way is always best, even when it hurts!