Thursday, May 28, 2009


We all change. Every day something around us changes, and it influences us. Change can be hard, even scary beyond belief, but it is so very important, and I'm excited to share a bit of my own road of change with you.

A few years ago, I was closed to new ideas. Everything had to just be the way it's always been. All my feelings had to be the same. I even said that things could mature, but not change. But I've discovered that maturing brings with it change, and that perhaps, even, change is vital to true maturity. I feel much different now, than I did a few years ago, and it's not just because I'm 17 now and I was 15 then, it's the fact that I've grown into myself. Time has had an effect on me, through the people it has brought me, and the experiences I've had. It's been amazing thus far. It's also been very, very hard.

It's all relative, isn't it? This thing we call time, through which we change, mature, grow, learn, and explore? I mean really, what is time? Is time now? The now that isn't now any more, because by the time you read the word now, it will be the future, and the now that I wrote earlier in the sentence is not now anymore, but the past. And yet, this now, is now. And now it's not. And the next one will be, now. Through each now, this moment for change. Each time a new now is upon us, we've had the opportunity to do something, to explore, to mature, to change. When you think of a Supreme Creator, time becomes even more relative, and change along with it, because if the Creator created us, and created us to change, then time is non-existent to Him, because He sees all the 'nows' from the outside. Now isn't even an applicable term anymore. So, time is really quite a relative concept, and, at the risk of sounding New-Age-y, time is really just an illusion. It may sound bizarre, but if you think about it, it's true.

So, then, isn't change all interwoven? The person that was me 2 or 3 years ago either is another person, or it's also me, but if time is relative, then it's me now. That me is so different from the me at this moment, that it is hard to get my mind around the fact that it has to be all together, but it's true, and it makes each moment mean so much more, because it isn't just something in the past anymore. It's now, forever. So you see, it's rather complicated. Now you see how changes are not exactly changes after all, but simply using this illusion of time to 'grow' into who we really are. Or out of who really are, but that's just scary.

I've been told I'm out of the box, unusual. I've been told I've become more rooted in who I truly am. I'm so glad for friends that tell me these things! I've been told that the more I change, the more I become me. Don't we all need to do that? To grow into ourselves, and to use time to our benefit so that we can grow and explore? How important!!!

I know that sometimes I just seem like a liberal hippie who fights for causes that aren't worth fighting for, and weeps over worthlessness, but you know what? This is me. And the more I grow, learn, and explore, the more I will change into me. I only want to figure out who I am more.

I love my exploratory life!



Mariah said...

I love you!

Marianne said...

Hugs right back at ya! You're WAY ahead of me Sheila! I feel as if I'm only just growing into myself at 41! Now if only I could stop growing................. :D Gotta keep fitting into those school clothes!
Marianne x

Lorraine said...

Weeping for the pain in this world, I believe, is a form of prayer for the one who is in Christ. Weep away, my dear - there is One Who knows and hears each teardrop fall.

Idzie said...

What a wonderful post, written by a wonderful person. :-)