Saturday, November 21, 2009

Regrets




I'm only seventeen.

I'm already seventeen.

Goodness, what happened?  The time came and went so fast, and there were times when I thought I was more me than I had ever been before, and now, having taken off my inner tinted glasses, I know that was the furthest from what God created me to be.  It's scary.  I have memories that seem like a different person.  My life wasn't this life!  My life wasn't the life it was before!  It was... it must have been... someone else's life!  It was I guess.  It wasn't God's life, I had inadvertantly given it to other forces.  I'm just so glad He kept talking to me and reminding me how much He loves me and how much He wants me.

He is God.

He's still God!  And He always will be.

I had no idea what I was doing.  I thought I did.  I so thought I did!  I thought I was following God.  I thought I could do exactly what I wanted and still be following God.  The tears stream down my face now, and I hear that voice, once again telling me He still loves me.  They all say it, I mean, I've heard it since I was little, but now I find myself saying "Why does He still love me?"  The thing is, no matter what I do, He is always willing to hear us repent and always has His arms wide open, more than willing to embrace us as we run back to Him.

"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."
I felt that way.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." *

I'm still seventeen.  God can still use my life.  If I let Him, He will.  He has called me to Himself and He will send me out into the world to do whatever He sees fit.

What is it about life, that makes it seem so disjointed and terrible, and so wonderful at the same time?

Oh God!  Use my life!  As I see a precious child be born, I can but pray for her, as of yet a new life with no mistakes in it: Help her Lord!

I cast off my regrets.

Sheila

* Luke 15:11-31

2 comments:

Lorraine said...

Wow! and his mercies really are new every morning - I'm so glad for that!

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:8-14

Maria Pauline said...

What scares me is that I wonder if I'm doing the same thing. I think I'm seeking the Lord and sitting at His feet, but I feel like I'm going down such a strange path so different from what I always thought I would. How do you tell the difference between being in the shadow of the Lord and being somewhere else? I'm scared I'm going to make a mistake.

-Maria