I'm only seventeen.
I'm already seventeen.
Goodness, what happened? The time came and went so fast, and there were times when I thought I was more me than I had ever been before, and now, having taken off my inner tinted glasses, I know that was the furthest from what God created me to be. It's scary. I have memories that seem like a different person. My life wasn't this life! My life wasn't the life it was before! It was... it must have been... someone else's life! It was I guess. It wasn't God's life, I had inadvertantly given it to other forces. I'm just so glad He kept talking to me and reminding me how much He loves me and how much He wants me.
He is God.
He's still God! And He always will be.
I had no idea what I was doing. I thought I did. I so thought I did! I thought I was following God. I thought I could do exactly what I wanted and still be following God. The tears stream down my face now, and I hear that voice, once again telling me He still loves me. They all say it, I mean, I've heard it since I was little, but now I find myself saying "Why does He still love me?" The thing is, no matter what I do, He is always willing to hear us repent and always has His arms wide open, more than willing to embrace us as we run back to Him.
I felt that way.
"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." *I'm still seventeen. God can still use my life. If I let Him, He will. He has called me to Himself and He will send me out into the world to do whatever He sees fit.
What is it about life, that makes it seem so disjointed and terrible, and so wonderful at the same time?
Oh God! Use my life! As I see a precious child be born, I can but pray for her, as of yet a new life with no mistakes in it: Help her Lord!
I cast off my regrets.
* Luke 15:11-31