Things just don't seem to go the way we expect them to, do they? No matter what I think I'm going to be doing, or what I think something will be like, it's virtually always different, somehow. My mind is going full tilt, trying to absorb all the information I can, trying to learn, to grow, to change so that I can better serve my Lord. I feel so inadequate.
Yet I feel so at peace, having made yet another crazy decision, and I feel like I never even thought about it now, and yet it took weeks (months?) of prayer, anguish, and weeping. So I'm here for the next 7 months. Call me crazy. Oh well.
What God wills for the fall... well, I believe I know what it is. I believe I'm following His leading, but I'm open to that door slamming too. Crazier? But wait, isn't that what belonging to Jesus is all about?
For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. -1 Cor. 1:18
Foolishness! So in one way, I really am a fool! And yet only in the eyes of the world, for "The fool has said in his heart 'There is no God'" (Ps. 14:1a), and I know my Lord personally! So it is that I find my identity, truly, in Jesus. If I appear as a fool to the world around me, so be it. Let craziness abound. Yet let me not appear to the Lord a fool, but to Him let me be humble and pure.
Once again I must be weird, strange, unlovable by the world's standards. If in the body I find love, so be it, and thank You Lord. Yet let that be a priviledge and not a right. My only right is eternal life in Christ.