Friday, December 27, 2013


Christmas.  It's over and yet it's not, the taste still lingers on my tongue, and in my heart.  The egg nog is still in the fridge (freshly made!), the chocolate still lines the cupboard, the Christmas pudding and leftover stuffing are still piled precariously in the fridge.  But it's the lights of Christmas, illuminating my heart, that are truly lasting.  I know there are many Christmas posts out there, inspiring the multitudes and pumping out lists of Christmas Bible verses that all tie in together with perfect joy and light, but here I am.  Just me.

I simply want to share with you my heart - struggling, excited, painful, and joyful.  I'm feeling imperfect and undeserving, yet I'm surrounded by such blessing.  This year the message of Christmas to me has not just been the baby in the manger.  True, we read Luke 2 on Christmas Eve: German, softly, by my father as the candles flickered on the tree, and then me, in English, with rising joy, reading--no, proclaiming!--the story of my Saviour, but that was not where it ended.  I then read the Magnificat--Mary's Song!--and rejoiced with that precious young woman as she poured out her heart to her Maker.  Then John 1.  In the beginning was the Word.  The Word!  Our Lord!  For all of time!
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. - John 1:1-5
The Light of men.  The joy of Light!  The beginning, all wrapped up in the end.  And as I sit here by this tree, these lights, and flounder through the words on the pages of my big, old, Bible, I realize that I am just a little girl in a very big ocean of all that God is trying to teach me.  Never in my life have I realized just how little I can do.  Life comes crashing all around me and I can't make heads or tails of it.  My emotions sail with the wind, one direction this hour, and right back where it came from the next.  It's in the unexpected conversations that dig at the epicentre of my struggles that I see the hand of God cradling me.

I looked over at the little nativity and reveled in the mother with her child--her Child!  The Child!  Yet that Child is the One who holds me, cradles me, keeps me in the midst of the storm, blowing winds of triumph alongside the waves.  So at this time in which I have the greatest joys and the most challenging stresses, I rejoice and proclaim that CHRIST is LORD!

And regardless of all the rest... I am blessed.  And held.

With love from a full heart,

 PS.  While this blog is now private, feel free to share, or to request invitations and whatnot.  I'm open.  :-)

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